(borrowed from www.thejokeshop.org)
An appraiser is one who compiles and analyzes voluminous data of problematical accuracy from sources of dubious veracity and derives therefrom a numerical quantification of unquestionable necessity, analogous to a nebulous and euphemistic concept representational of value commensurate with ambient configurations of the open market and promulgates thereby a precise written declamation which delineates his observation, deliberations and conclusions all done while he feigns absolute ignorance of the avaricious machinations of Buyers, Sellers, Brokers and Lenders, compensated only by that penurious stipend known as the professional fee.
Top 10 Reason to Become An Appraiser
1. Dazzle your friends with your knowledge of external obsolescence.2. The wonderful world of rats, bats, and spiders.3. Be a part of the profession blamed for the collapse of the savings and loan industry and the recent credit crisis and/or sub-prime meltdown.4. See places in people’s houses that usually require a search warrant to access.5. Arouse the suspicion of an entire neighborhood when inspecting comparable sales.6. Chance to really irritate annoying real estate salespeople.7. Walk around holding a clipboard just like “Skip” down at the Jiffy Lube.8. Spend hours writing volumes of supporting documentation to justify the market value of a property you already decided on when you pulled into the driveway - and that no one will ever read anyway.9. See that some people really do hang those black velveteen pictures of Elvis on their living room walls10. Be one of a handful of people who know that USPAP is not a medical term.
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